Amplified Miniatures...

Under the magnifying glass I wonder... what does the insect feel...

Does it feel exposed or it fulfills the purpose of his existance?

Is it embarassed or it loves being the center of attention?

It thinks about the flaws or the greatness of his being?

It just lets himself be or fools us by putting up his best performance?

What ever it does, does it actually determine what we think of it...

Or we just feel happy and judge it based on our notions...

We just reinforce our beliefs and sacrifice the poor creature for our satisfaction...

So we ever think what goes through the mind of the poor creature under so many magnifying glasses.... Or do we just let it turn into ashes for our happiness...

A little droplet of water...

The feeling of being sucked into a black-hole...
The way nothing seems to matter anymore...
The work seems to be exciting but the excitement lives in me no more...
The people seem to be friendly but all I see in their eyes are empty cores...
The life seems to be different but a day is so like the other...
The tears want to surface but the eyes seem to be drier than yesterday...
The emotions wish to live but the professionalism takes their life away...
The pressure of apparent maturity has me wondering...what should I do and say...
The sudden grip of dark emotions has made the wonderment of small things in life go way...
The innocent smile somehow seems to have lost its way and gone far away...
All I feel today is an urge to cry and even my tears seem to be deserting me in a similar way...
Never did I think that I would crave these little droplets of water some day...

What was it?

They saw each other across the room and suddenly something hit them...
Deciding to take the bolt of something they had felt in their stride they ignored each other...
Trying had to control the surge of feelings they busied themselves with the people around...
They talked and laughed, played and ran... But it was never full-heartedly as a piece of it was lost... and was hanging loose somewhere around...
As the fate would have it they had to walk hand in hand ...
They walked and they played they made the moments of the play matter and somewhere somehow they ended up making the world feel jealous...
They then talked... and walked... walked and walked... laughed and smiled... frolicked and smiled...
They teased and shared and somehow felt closer to each other than no one ever before...
Deciding to live their life as they wished they did what they felt like...
But they were righteous and somewhere the thought of people around held them back...
They vowed to forget those moments and move on... they decided it was just an infatuation... they reasoned it out with themselves....
But still sometimes when the reasons fail and the memories flood they wonder... what was it? Was it just a emotional baggage or was it something divine...
Were those moments a dream or could I still call them mine...
Was it just a moments paradise or was it something beyond time...
What was it...What was it... Were they just two parallel lines never meant to meet...

The easiest things to do in the world would be

to be illusioned about your position...

to assume the world turns around because you inhabit it...

to think the things are right because of your presence...

to know that you are always right and listen to no other...

to pet your ego and bloat it further...

to treat the other person as a non-entity...

to shout and think you are right...

to takes someones respect for your age as his weekness..

to keep arguing because you have to...

But do you wonder about the day when you shall even loose the respect your age commands..when you become overpowered by the insecurity that drives you and the ego starts ruling you?

Bewildered

So much to do... so little time...
The moments fly away... and the dates blur into oblivion...
Plans that I make... the dreams that I see...
Seem to be deserting me...
The energy seems to be misplaced...
Everything around me seems to be set in its own place...

I want to shake things up...
Make my time count and my minutes matter...
I want to live those dreams... and see many more...
I don't want to let them die a slow death...
I want to water them and let them blossom...
I want to see them smiling at the world...

I have to remain what I am...
Its so easy to just flow along the river...
And so easy to forget ones purpose...
Its so easy to make-believe that I am important...
But its very important to realize the truth...
And face the facts that stare at me with my half-dead dreams in their arms...

He and She

She smiled and he was mesmerized...
He said he was lying yet she believed...
She fumbled and he thought of it as realism...
He wrote poems and she thought of herself as a princess...
She cried and he was there to just listen...
He shared his thoughts and she was amazed...
She sang and he thought of her as a nightingale...
He brought in the concept of we and she accepted...
She laughed with him and the happiness in it reverberated...
He cared and she pampered...
She talked and he listened...

He can't forget those times
She remembers them fondly
He still thinks of her as the coolest girl
She still wonders at time what happened
They still talk, they still laugh and they still know each other like no other...

To the beautiful randomness.......cheers!!!

We always wish to play safe... to live with guarantees... I don't know whom to blame ... maybe the companies that ensure us of quality in everything and make us so used to expecting the best that we forget the human component in us and others around us we always expect perfection and the best in life... We always wish to hedge our bets and have multiple options in life... always control our thoughts and actions... always be something we don't wish to be...

In my odyssey of life...I thought...

I saw something, did something and got to know a lot more...
Experienced the oceanic wonders from the shore...

In the flight above this world...
Underwent the suddenness and fear of a crash that I just heard...

In the pages of a book...
Touched the dragons and the unicorns; lived in the shady nook...

In a passing smile...
Saw the depth of life, something beyond time...

But in reality...
I always was guarded and time and again let my impulses die...
And when they won blamed them for the momentary death of rationality...

Why oh why did I curse the lovely randomness that made living worthwhile...
To randomness and impulses that make the bland whiteness of life colorful...

Music and Lyrics

Music... a healer... a sharer... a love that definitely lasts numerous lifetimes...
if only... I could just sway and fly away with it to the world beyond words and mundane rhymes...
To a world full of melody...
To the place that survives on harmony...
To that land that I peep into everyday when I am dreamy...

The poetic proses...
The verses full of meaning...
Give words their purpose of existing...
And gives human kind am attempt at expressing...an attempt at feeling... and at living....

Married together they both attain a different dimension...
They both teach us the meaning and essence of any relation...
Together they are all powerful... can break any meditation... aid voluntary submission...
Their togetherness inspires the lonely and gives strength to the togetherness of any relation...
They are an all time inspiration and a divine creation...

Has someone just kept a whole mountain on my heart... or have I just replaced Atlas... My heart seems to be crushed under some unexplained weight... a weight that keeps increasing the more I think about it... Misery might love company but the misery in my heart is attracting unwanted and strange feelings and fighting a strong battle against the small and seemingly diminishing ray of hope...
The heart seems to be overwhelmingly overfilled with a feeling of have lost something very dear in an impulse... It suddenly has hitchhiked on the chariot which somehow seems to be full of all the moments of helplessness and inadequacy...
Filled with the feeling of having not met expectations... not only others but my own...
Of having not thought of the long term but lived in the moments of instantaneous smiles... and got numerous tears in return...
Of having not being the ideal but being a mere human...
Of having trusted people easily at times...
Of having expected too much out of life...
Of always gliding into problematic circumstances...
Of having the feeling that I have raised the bar of expectation and whether I would be able to perform or not...
Of the feelings of guilt and fear...
Of the feeling of seeing no output and feeling inadequate...
Of the feeling of being in self-doubt...
No wonder the hope seems timid in front of all of these... But in it lies the essence of life and the power of youthfulness of enthusiasm... and it will make all these bickering ghosts run away... I just have to believe in it... Just have to believe ...
once again place my trust, once again believe in myself,
once again be ready to face all the challenges, once again be ready to smile...
All in all, once again be ready to live...

Education ... really!!!!

The first time he set eyes on her he couldn't help wondering was there anything cuter in this world, she seemed like a fairy that descended from heavens just to make his life happier and he felt so filled with love for this small sweet cute bundle of joy... his daughter!!!

He wanted her to grow up into what all she wanted... wanted to fulfill all her dreams... wanted to find her the knight in shining armor... wanted her to live a life beyond anyones dreams... wanted to let the fairy rise and fly all over the world...

He gave her everything.. all he could all she wanted but then she grew up... and time to find that knight of dreams neared... she wanted to fly more be the best amongst many, she had proved her worth but he could no longer bear to let her live her dreams, not because they were preposterous or worthless but because he had set aside 10 lakh rupees for her marriage half as an expense and the other half as the cost of the knight... if she flew higher the knight would have to be a higher up and would be more costly and he could no longer afford to let her be the best... he was contemplating forcing her daughter to be mediocre so that he could buy the knight for him...

P.S. Based on a true incident of a father who was desperately trying to get his daughter married and in his desperation told her that it would have been better if he would have married her off after 12th the knight would have cost only a lakh then... with every new qualification she gains he becomes more costly and more elusive....

In today's world when girls are supposed to believe they are equals incidents like these happen everyday and living in midst of such happenings who would believe the "say no to dowry", "embrace a girl child" campaigns when every qualification that the guy gains increases his value and every qualification that the girl gains is a added burden on the already burdened and worried father who wants to give his fairy the best but can no longer afford it....

Is that what education reduces us to... mere greedy souls who want to put a price to their children's dreams? Or does the major half of the population seek education to increase their stock price??

The clean slate....

A random normal day... a usual walk around the life in world...
Everything normal but a heart filled with emotions that surface at the slightest of provocations...

Anger, an urge to rip the deceiver apart...
Rush of mushyness and a feeling of happiness in the heart...
Depression that grips the heart part by part...
Memories of the friendly moments that bring a smile and force the lips to part...

Past that tickles us and we wish for it to repeat often...
Life that brings the dreadfulness alive again...
Words that make one swell with satisfaction...
Recollections that make one tremble with fear...

Time and again we say we would start all over again...We would forget it all and have a clean slate...
Convinced that we would form new memories of happiness and depression, of love and heartbreak...
But again and again on an unexpected blue moon night it all comes back to haunt us with its marvel and creepiness, with its happiness and tears, with its endearments and curses...
We take refuge in 'human nature' for breaking our resolve...
We justify and re-justify, re-resolve, re-clean the slate...
But... Do we really wipe it clean enough??...
Can we ever let bygones really be bygones???

An old friend???

One (un)fine day...
It was sunny and sultry... sweaty and sticky...
Weather was playing games ... having fun seeing us squirm and swelter...
Earthlings had short tempers and long streams of sweat on themselves...
Spearheading the group of the frustrated and irritated souls was who else but me...
Suddenly out of no where I felt a shade creep up on me...
A welcome shade which did not seem to end... made as if just for me...
Surprised I looked up and saw him...
My tiny little sweet friend whom I met every July...
Smiling down and me and winking...
Tugging at that unruly wind that always took him away from me...
Trying to win... and (despite the history) with me praying silently that he does...
And voila! the Gods heard me! the wind tasted defeat for once...
For the first time since forever, I had my friend with me...
A friend who I always knew was there... Someone whose presence was always felt...
And finally!!! he won ... we were together... we were smiling and celebrating...
We started talking ... he spoke in his soft, misty tone giving me eternal peace...
He seemed to understand me even before I made an attempt at speaking...He just knew it all!!!
We continued to converse... in a language without words... a language without any need for words... it was as if we knew each other since forever and still was this the first time??
Wasn't he always around when I danced in the rains??
But.. wasn't he around at the wrong time now!!! It was April...
Just as the thought entered me... he bid me farewell... saying it was lovely to see me from up above the world... but the duty beckoned and we dutifully parted...
Having talked to him and experienced a whole new world in the company of a cloud...
A cloud that was always there and will be above me... watching, smiling, reassuring and just being...

Barter System....

Every little thing we do, every person we talk to, every vow we make, every resolution we take, every little step we take... what is it but a transaction ... Berne named and built a theory to analyze this interaction but it is a simple law of give and take in the end... A favor for a smile, A smile for a compliment, A compliment for a favorable impression, A favorable impression for some moolah, Company for money, Relationships for company, Prestige for peace, Peace for togetherness, Togetherness for need... Its all a transaction... In the earlier times these barter exchanges were hidden behind the veil of bhaichara, danveerta etc etc... But even the most selfless of the charities done even then were either for peace of mind of a bribe for a better life after death... How ironic!!!
But at least there was this thin veil that tried to hide the frankness with which these things stare at us in the eye today... So much so that in the end we have to lower our gaze with shame... The veil hid this public shame... Today its all a fact and everyone knows it... and it had become an unknown qualification... sincerity and goodness are everyday dismissed by the profit oriented mindset...
This issue has been there since time eternal... since the very first fight of the good and the evil... this is the fight we have to take sides in... and the indecisive society of today which rests on coalition governments and product promotions rather than knowledge and information seems to be just drifting with the flow rather than sitting back and even trying to think....


P.S. Contrary to the popular belief by society I do not mean only the youth, they are a part but they do not form the whole society per say...

Life keeps on happening....

Life keeps on happening...
The story keeps on building...
The characters keep on playing...
The roles keep on changing...
The mystery keeps on unfolding...
The truths keep on intriguing...
The dreams keep on disappearing...
The innocence keeps on decreasing...
The reality keeps on hitting...
The hope keeps on dying...
The optimism keeps on fighting...
The pessimism keeps on smiling...
The real person keeps on balancing...
The real person keeps on living...

Once Again...

The moment that stared at me...
The moment of choice...
The moment that waited for my wish...
The moment that put the heart and mind to conflict...
And then... out of nowhere... as a surprise to myself...
Filled with something unexplainable.. I set it free...
Free as a bird...
With its own free will...
And in its celebration of freedom...it just swept me off my feet...
We then took the flight to the unknown...
Saw things beyond comprehension...
Had feelings that needed no explanation...
Experienced the feeling of eternal trust...
And just lived with each other... admiring the unknown....
Gave the mind, the rational being a very hard time...
But just as I saw the moment die... I heard the rationality laughing at me... somewhere far away in time...
I grieved at the loss of companion and lost my senses...
The opportune mind grabbed the chance and bombarded me with doubts, questions...
And smiled with cynical satisfaction as I gave in to the feelings of distrust, fear... ONCE AGAIN!!

Moments....

Moments of frustration...
Moments of desperation...
Moments of isolation...
All showed their compassion,
But what stuck with me is the everlasting relation...
With the moments that were painted with emotions...
The moments that touched my heart...
The moments of sharing...
The moments filled with laughter...
The moments of leg-pulling...
The moments of tears...
Or the moments of just quite companionship...
The moments all full of different shades of friendships...

With each minute taking me to the end of this beautiful journey...
How I wish, I could just grab these seconds in my fist...

Picture Courtesy: http://fashionistaandbaby.files.wordpress.com/2007/06/1a18.jpg

Class notes ;-)

Life....

Life has so much to offer...
The pleasantness of an unexpected conversation...
The shock of the unforeseen betrayal...
The anticipation of that smile...
The pain of separation...
Life is much more than we can fathom...
It is a splash of colors so bright...
And a inky blue well so deep...
It is the eyes of a child so innocent...
And a game so cunning...
Life is a mystery with numerous layers ...
It is the magic of THE moment...
The overbearing emotions..
The loss of practicality...
The love of the unachievable...
Life is nothing but a beautiful chaos full of the happiness with tinges of sadness here and there....


Image courtesy: http://picasaweb.google.com/hd.hang/Fractals/photo#5096914591042717298

Just a pair of eyes

They shine with the happiness of your inner self...
They mirror the sarcasm hidden inside your heart...
They reflect the jealousy that fills you up...
They also show the sadness surrounding you...
They flashes the feelings you hide...
They resonate your fears...
They flare with the anger in you...
They reverberate with all you feel...
Yet they are just a pair of eyes...

The Vision...

I saw a garden full of colors innumerable...
I found the colors that made me wanna laugh, the colors that oozed love, the colors that made me smile...
But I also found a small corner that made me feel inky blue... so blue that the other colors mattered no more... It didn't matter that they were many more in number and in feelings... In fact, the impact of that small corner was such that I felt all the other colors disappearing into oblivion... I was afraid...
I tried to smile but all I could get were tears... I tried to kill the plants in that corner but they just started to grow on me with an increased vigor... I tried to forget about them but they haunted my sleeping and waking moments... I tried all but the conviction was lost...
I was on the verge of giving up with no hope just the despair I didn't want to feel, the mind filled with unthinkable things I didn't want to think,everything around me blue as night with the cold seeping into my veins...
Just then I heard a rumbling sound that scared me I closed my eyes and hoped that it was a dream just then I felt a tiny droplet fall on me and when I opened my eyes the inky corner was being washed away and the colorful flowers were smiling at me again and were dancing with the rhythm of nature in the pure and pristine rain straight from the heaven that washed all the despair away and made everything around me smile again... The feelings alive once again and the inkiness of the corner disappeared into oblivion...

Revisiting Words

Words are like a sword at times...
But they are like a soft cuddle too...
Words are a limitation on imagination...
But they are the horse imagination rides on too...
Words are a complex way to show-off...
But they are an epitome of simplicity too...
Words are a necessary evil...
But they are feeling of unsaid understanding too...
Words are like a liability...
But they mirror your inner self to me too...
Words are like a web spun by a dark spider...
But they are like an enticing landscape too...
Words are like a pain...
But they are the only thing that form the bridge between two souls miles apart like me and you...

P.S. To a new beginning a new start all over...to a new beginning :D

Happy Children's Day

Let yourself free today...It’s your day...

You love yourself you love to be pampered...

You love to be loved ... and cared...

So why wait for anyone to do this....

Pamper yourself...

Let the emotions pent up in you surface...

Experiment with life experiment with relations....

For once leave the lap of certainty and try....

Do what you wish to even if it’s stupid...

Be angry.... be a baby ... be cute...

Question yourself ...but trust the people you call your own…

Pretend to be someone else but don’t forget who you are...

Act surprised at the most banal things and feel happy about it

Life is much more than a keyboard, mouse and screen

Life’s all this...

Life is keeping that kid within you alive....

HAPPY CHILDREN'S DAY...

Dreams....

A wish seemingly true...
A mirage almost touched...
A world of mystical wonders...

From the weird monsters... To the dancing fairies...
From the world full of laughter... To the wells of tears...
From a life never there... To a life always near...

A world where life ceases to have rules...
A world where we live for the moments...
A world where life's worth is realized...

The truths hidden beneath the facade...
A mystical side of oneself never displayed...
The true self always ours to discover at the the flutter of the eyelashes...

The color of politics....

Most of the political seats today are occupied by not-so-learned... mass leaders, for whom having a criminal record or fear of having one is a minimum implicit requirement... despite being aware of this truth ... when asked ... the elite choses to intellectualize the whole situation by saying they would never choose to be in such dirt... its not their cup of tea to play politics... they are beyond this pettiness...

Yet....

Chaploosi for a promotion
Sifarish for that commission
Rishwat for a rightful admission
Gapla and all the submission...
Are all the traits of the elite...

People are so adept in this game that only in elite world do we see,

Concept of time-pass relationships,
Return on investment in friendships,
Fake and Untrue associations,
Display with no substance...

It is in this world that

Pretension rules above everything... reality takes a back seat
Compliments are order of the day ... with curses spoken under the breath
Truth should not be spoken... even to friends
People should be made happy... at the cost of loved ones

And despite being neck deep we claim we are beyond politics...
Maybe we forgot the meaning of simple words like "POLITICS....."
Or I guess somewhere we elitists learned so much that we forgot how to be human...

Synthesis???

There are many differences among people ranging from things as trivial as their favorite color, their choice of food, their active times to things like their nature, the way to look at life and above all the way they think...

Some people brood over things think them again and again maybe to internalize the decisions they have taken or engrave the mistakes made or to make appreciable things their traits... they tend to be occupied, pre-occupied and post-occupied by the events that led to their state of mind... they sleep thinking of the same thing.. dream about it and surprisingly or maybe not, get up with the same issues on mind... I guess their concentration, persistence to find the solution .. the correct solution.. the perfect one ... arrived at after numerous modifications .. is something to be admired and maybe looked at with awe... And frankly speaking I won't be surprised if they look at their such decision with wonder and veneration... After all it is a creation of such a long process...

But... Well as always sometimes I wonder doesn't this wonderfully long process which no doubt leads to admirable results take a toll on the thinker?
What about people who actually faced with similar problems choose to think about it for sometime with utmost concentration figure out a set of solutions to be applied depending on situations... and well progress with their lives... What about the people who despite being confronted by some major decision ... move-on do other things and well maybe when they have time think about 'the problem'...

I agree the latter kind of people might not come up with fool-proof solutions but sometimes, somehow .. maybe because I am biased ... I think they end up seeing much more things around them, experiencing them..and somewhere these flexible nature of solutions actually mirrors the very nature of life which changes its course without warning.. I just see the latter kind somehow not being vexed at the failure of their solution but willing to move on reconsider decisions and maybe adapt a alternate methodology to deal with things...

I don't know whether these processes or philosophies of life are antitheses of each other or whether they are like two faces of a coin.. which can peacefully co-exist but whatever they maybe they are realities ...

But of they are antithesis I can't help wondering what the synthesis would be like.......

I have seen....

Strange are the ways of life...
People think they can take anything for granted just like that...
People plan so much and do some stuff but... alas they never meet the other party's expectations

I have seen randomness of explanations...
The misinterpretations of other party's intentions
I have seen well chosen gifts become trivial...
Treated as the pay-back of friendship
I have seen 'friends' not talking to each other
As the time becomes invaluable and so precious...
I have seen best-friends not talk to each other...
And then get bored in their loneliness
But I see the same people do those things again...
And marvel at the persistence of the pursuer and
at times.. detest the high-handedness of the pursued

The Magic of Gazals...

The warmth of listening to a gazal equals none other ... somehow when you listen to the sad yet ironically soothing words... you cant help but admire the singer who sung those deep words in such a sincere and heartfelt manner... there seems to be a telepathic connection through which the singer somehow echoes your emotions...
Emotions that lie under layers of pretense... the well covered up heartaches... disappointments... that start peeking through the grave just to remind you they are not dead ... but still present in you...
To remind you that it is easier to fool the world but not yourself... its easier to make-believe but the truth is there always forever...
But more than anything it relaxes you... you come face to face with the unconscious ... and the magic of gazals makes you realize you are not alone... and maybe in some way you also realize that you haven't seen life yet there are many more adventures to embark on ... even if they take you through the sad route ... they form an internal and inseparable part of you ... and you just brace yourself .... hoping for the best but preparing for the worst....

What if ....

What if you slept? And what if, in your sleep, you dreamed?
And what if, in your dream, you went to heaven
and there plucked an strange and beautiful flower?
And what if, when you awoke, you had the flower in your hand?
Ah, what then?
-Samuel Taylor Coleridge

What if the line between reality and imagination disappears one day...
What if the rational decides to merge with the irrational...
What if life gives us an option of a world beyond thought...
Will we be happy to try it ... or let it rot away in indecision and apprehension...
Will we jump at the offer ... or be sad on not being prepared...
Will we be daring enough to risk it all ...
Be prepared to be unprepared...Plan not to plan ...
And just flow with the current ... through the adventure of life...

Inventories... Classification... Self Assessment... Objectivity... HOW??

Writing pages about my life ... trying to find evidences about my life in random pieces of paper made by people to ease classification of the world into manageable categories.

How so ever much these inventories and exercises might claim to emphasize on the differences between people, except for maybe the basis of classification (the questions) somehow I cant help but see a lot of parallel between them and the zodiac in terms of the interpretation... Giving so generic statements of goods and bads some of which ought to apply to any normal person...

What is it if not just the illusion of allowing differences amongst people.....

And then writing a exercise like self assessment report....maybe its our own perspectives that matter the most since we shall live with it forever....

However, I believe in the fact that there are different perspectives to anything ... so i guess even our lives come within that ambit and hence somewhere I feel we should somewhere factor in other's view points too or else we would be living in a make belief world... never knowing the reality and maybe just living in a dream land....

A world where some people choose to glorify themselves...
And some others choose to underestimate ...
Some choose to cry all the way
While the others just smile all the way...
Some people who choose to be irrational
Others who think they are rational
But still I believe there ought to be some people who choose to look at life objectively...
Sifting the wheat from the chaff and making intelligent choices .... Rationally....
I am still to meet one of those people...
And am looking forward to this rendezvous...
And when I meet that person I just want to ask 'How?...'

Happy Birthday Rahul ....

Well in a fit of rage ... or just because I was caught in my feelings...
I forgot to wish you when I had a chance...
But as they say better late than never...
Here is to you and to the friendship we share...
The friendship whose seeds were sown unknowingly...
The friendship that blossomed irrespective of the distances...

Here are a few words ...

The pride of being the first reader…

The reassurance of your presence…

The innate understanding…

The uninterrupted ramblings…

The same wavelength…

The telephonic contracts …

The transient anger…

The non judgmental confiding…

The feeling of acceptance…

The scolding on being grateful…

The unconditional sharing…

The feeling of finally being understood…

Without any gratefulness…

And with a hope for a optimistic tomorrow

I wish Happy Birthday dear…

Cheers to tomorrow…

And cheers to the feeling of 'hope' :)