Barter System....

Every little thing we do, every person we talk to, every vow we make, every resolution we take, every little step we take... what is it but a transaction ... Berne named and built a theory to analyze this interaction but it is a simple law of give and take in the end... A favor for a smile, A smile for a compliment, A compliment for a favorable impression, A favorable impression for some moolah, Company for money, Relationships for company, Prestige for peace, Peace for togetherness, Togetherness for need... Its all a transaction... In the earlier times these barter exchanges were hidden behind the veil of bhaichara, danveerta etc etc... But even the most selfless of the charities done even then were either for peace of mind of a bribe for a better life after death... How ironic!!!
But at least there was this thin veil that tried to hide the frankness with which these things stare at us in the eye today... So much so that in the end we have to lower our gaze with shame... The veil hid this public shame... Today its all a fact and everyone knows it... and it had become an unknown qualification... sincerity and goodness are everyday dismissed by the profit oriented mindset...
This issue has been there since time eternal... since the very first fight of the good and the evil... this is the fight we have to take sides in... and the indecisive society of today which rests on coalition governments and product promotions rather than knowledge and information seems to be just drifting with the flow rather than sitting back and even trying to think....


P.S. Contrary to the popular belief by society I do not mean only the youth, they are a part but they do not form the whole society per say...

Life keeps on happening....

Life keeps on happening...
The story keeps on building...
The characters keep on playing...
The roles keep on changing...
The mystery keeps on unfolding...
The truths keep on intriguing...
The dreams keep on disappearing...
The innocence keeps on decreasing...
The reality keeps on hitting...
The hope keeps on dying...
The optimism keeps on fighting...
The pessimism keeps on smiling...
The real person keeps on balancing...
The real person keeps on living...

Once Again...

The moment that stared at me...
The moment of choice...
The moment that waited for my wish...
The moment that put the heart and mind to conflict...
And then... out of nowhere... as a surprise to myself...
Filled with something unexplainable.. I set it free...
Free as a bird...
With its own free will...
And in its celebration of freedom...it just swept me off my feet...
We then took the flight to the unknown...
Saw things beyond comprehension...
Had feelings that needed no explanation...
Experienced the feeling of eternal trust...
And just lived with each other... admiring the unknown....
Gave the mind, the rational being a very hard time...
But just as I saw the moment die... I heard the rationality laughing at me... somewhere far away in time...
I grieved at the loss of companion and lost my senses...
The opportune mind grabbed the chance and bombarded me with doubts, questions...
And smiled with cynical satisfaction as I gave in to the feelings of distrust, fear... ONCE AGAIN!!

Moments....

Moments of frustration...
Moments of desperation...
Moments of isolation...
All showed their compassion,
But what stuck with me is the everlasting relation...
With the moments that were painted with emotions...
The moments that touched my heart...
The moments of sharing...
The moments filled with laughter...
The moments of leg-pulling...
The moments of tears...
Or the moments of just quite companionship...
The moments all full of different shades of friendships...

With each minute taking me to the end of this beautiful journey...
How I wish, I could just grab these seconds in my fist...

Picture Courtesy: http://fashionistaandbaby.files.wordpress.com/2007/06/1a18.jpg

Class notes ;-)

Life....

Life has so much to offer...
The pleasantness of an unexpected conversation...
The shock of the unforeseen betrayal...
The anticipation of that smile...
The pain of separation...
Life is much more than we can fathom...
It is a splash of colors so bright...
And a inky blue well so deep...
It is the eyes of a child so innocent...
And a game so cunning...
Life is a mystery with numerous layers ...
It is the magic of THE moment...
The overbearing emotions..
The loss of practicality...
The love of the unachievable...
Life is nothing but a beautiful chaos full of the happiness with tinges of sadness here and there....


Image courtesy: http://picasaweb.google.com/hd.hang/Fractals/photo#5096914591042717298

Just a pair of eyes

They shine with the happiness of your inner self...
They mirror the sarcasm hidden inside your heart...
They reflect the jealousy that fills you up...
They also show the sadness surrounding you...
They flashes the feelings you hide...
They resonate your fears...
They flare with the anger in you...
They reverberate with all you feel...
Yet they are just a pair of eyes...

The Vision...

I saw a garden full of colors innumerable...
I found the colors that made me wanna laugh, the colors that oozed love, the colors that made me smile...
But I also found a small corner that made me feel inky blue... so blue that the other colors mattered no more... It didn't matter that they were many more in number and in feelings... In fact, the impact of that small corner was such that I felt all the other colors disappearing into oblivion... I was afraid...
I tried to smile but all I could get were tears... I tried to kill the plants in that corner but they just started to grow on me with an increased vigor... I tried to forget about them but they haunted my sleeping and waking moments... I tried all but the conviction was lost...
I was on the verge of giving up with no hope just the despair I didn't want to feel, the mind filled with unthinkable things I didn't want to think,everything around me blue as night with the cold seeping into my veins...
Just then I heard a rumbling sound that scared me I closed my eyes and hoped that it was a dream just then I felt a tiny droplet fall on me and when I opened my eyes the inky corner was being washed away and the colorful flowers were smiling at me again and were dancing with the rhythm of nature in the pure and pristine rain straight from the heaven that washed all the despair away and made everything around me smile again... The feelings alive once again and the inkiness of the corner disappeared into oblivion...

Revisiting Words

Words are like a sword at times...
But they are like a soft cuddle too...
Words are a limitation on imagination...
But they are the horse imagination rides on too...
Words are a complex way to show-off...
But they are an epitome of simplicity too...
Words are a necessary evil...
But they are feeling of unsaid understanding too...
Words are like a liability...
But they mirror your inner self to me too...
Words are like a web spun by a dark spider...
But they are like an enticing landscape too...
Words are like a pain...
But they are the only thing that form the bridge between two souls miles apart like me and you...

P.S. To a new beginning a new start all over...to a new beginning :D

Happy Children's Day

Let yourself free today...It’s your day...

You love yourself you love to be pampered...

You love to be loved ... and cared...

So why wait for anyone to do this....

Pamper yourself...

Let the emotions pent up in you surface...

Experiment with life experiment with relations....

For once leave the lap of certainty and try....

Do what you wish to even if it’s stupid...

Be angry.... be a baby ... be cute...

Question yourself ...but trust the people you call your own…

Pretend to be someone else but don’t forget who you are...

Act surprised at the most banal things and feel happy about it

Life is much more than a keyboard, mouse and screen

Life’s all this...

Life is keeping that kid within you alive....

HAPPY CHILDREN'S DAY...

Dreams....

A wish seemingly true...
A mirage almost touched...
A world of mystical wonders...

From the weird monsters... To the dancing fairies...
From the world full of laughter... To the wells of tears...
From a life never there... To a life always near...

A world where life ceases to have rules...
A world where we live for the moments...
A world where life's worth is realized...

The truths hidden beneath the facade...
A mystical side of oneself never displayed...
The true self always ours to discover at the the flutter of the eyelashes...

The color of politics....

Most of the political seats today are occupied by not-so-learned... mass leaders, for whom having a criminal record or fear of having one is a minimum implicit requirement... despite being aware of this truth ... when asked ... the elite choses to intellectualize the whole situation by saying they would never choose to be in such dirt... its not their cup of tea to play politics... they are beyond this pettiness...

Yet....

Chaploosi for a promotion
Sifarish for that commission
Rishwat for a rightful admission
Gapla and all the submission...
Are all the traits of the elite...

People are so adept in this game that only in elite world do we see,

Concept of time-pass relationships,
Return on investment in friendships,
Fake and Untrue associations,
Display with no substance...

It is in this world that

Pretension rules above everything... reality takes a back seat
Compliments are order of the day ... with curses spoken under the breath
Truth should not be spoken... even to friends
People should be made happy... at the cost of loved ones

And despite being neck deep we claim we are beyond politics...
Maybe we forgot the meaning of simple words like "POLITICS....."
Or I guess somewhere we elitists learned so much that we forgot how to be human...

Synthesis???

There are many differences among people ranging from things as trivial as their favorite color, their choice of food, their active times to things like their nature, the way to look at life and above all the way they think...

Some people brood over things think them again and again maybe to internalize the decisions they have taken or engrave the mistakes made or to make appreciable things their traits... they tend to be occupied, pre-occupied and post-occupied by the events that led to their state of mind... they sleep thinking of the same thing.. dream about it and surprisingly or maybe not, get up with the same issues on mind... I guess their concentration, persistence to find the solution .. the correct solution.. the perfect one ... arrived at after numerous modifications .. is something to be admired and maybe looked at with awe... And frankly speaking I won't be surprised if they look at their such decision with wonder and veneration... After all it is a creation of such a long process...

But... Well as always sometimes I wonder doesn't this wonderfully long process which no doubt leads to admirable results take a toll on the thinker?
What about people who actually faced with similar problems choose to think about it for sometime with utmost concentration figure out a set of solutions to be applied depending on situations... and well progress with their lives... What about the people who despite being confronted by some major decision ... move-on do other things and well maybe when they have time think about 'the problem'...

I agree the latter kind of people might not come up with fool-proof solutions but sometimes, somehow .. maybe because I am biased ... I think they end up seeing much more things around them, experiencing them..and somewhere these flexible nature of solutions actually mirrors the very nature of life which changes its course without warning.. I just see the latter kind somehow not being vexed at the failure of their solution but willing to move on reconsider decisions and maybe adapt a alternate methodology to deal with things...

I don't know whether these processes or philosophies of life are antitheses of each other or whether they are like two faces of a coin.. which can peacefully co-exist but whatever they maybe they are realities ...

But of they are antithesis I can't help wondering what the synthesis would be like.......

I have seen....

Strange are the ways of life...
People think they can take anything for granted just like that...
People plan so much and do some stuff but... alas they never meet the other party's expectations

I have seen randomness of explanations...
The misinterpretations of other party's intentions
I have seen well chosen gifts become trivial...
Treated as the pay-back of friendship
I have seen 'friends' not talking to each other
As the time becomes invaluable and so precious...
I have seen best-friends not talk to each other...
And then get bored in their loneliness
But I see the same people do those things again...
And marvel at the persistence of the pursuer and
at times.. detest the high-handedness of the pursued

The Magic of Gazals...

The warmth of listening to a gazal equals none other ... somehow when you listen to the sad yet ironically soothing words... you cant help but admire the singer who sung those deep words in such a sincere and heartfelt manner... there seems to be a telepathic connection through which the singer somehow echoes your emotions...
Emotions that lie under layers of pretense... the well covered up heartaches... disappointments... that start peeking through the grave just to remind you they are not dead ... but still present in you...
To remind you that it is easier to fool the world but not yourself... its easier to make-believe but the truth is there always forever...
But more than anything it relaxes you... you come face to face with the unconscious ... and the magic of gazals makes you realize you are not alone... and maybe in some way you also realize that you haven't seen life yet there are many more adventures to embark on ... even if they take you through the sad route ... they form an internal and inseparable part of you ... and you just brace yourself .... hoping for the best but preparing for the worst....

What if ....

What if you slept? And what if, in your sleep, you dreamed?
And what if, in your dream, you went to heaven
and there plucked an strange and beautiful flower?
And what if, when you awoke, you had the flower in your hand?
Ah, what then?
-Samuel Taylor Coleridge

What if the line between reality and imagination disappears one day...
What if the rational decides to merge with the irrational...
What if life gives us an option of a world beyond thought...
Will we be happy to try it ... or let it rot away in indecision and apprehension...
Will we jump at the offer ... or be sad on not being prepared...
Will we be daring enough to risk it all ...
Be prepared to be unprepared...Plan not to plan ...
And just flow with the current ... through the adventure of life...

Inventories... Classification... Self Assessment... Objectivity... HOW??

Writing pages about my life ... trying to find evidences about my life in random pieces of paper made by people to ease classification of the world into manageable categories.

How so ever much these inventories and exercises might claim to emphasize on the differences between people, except for maybe the basis of classification (the questions) somehow I cant help but see a lot of parallel between them and the zodiac in terms of the interpretation... Giving so generic statements of goods and bads some of which ought to apply to any normal person...

What is it if not just the illusion of allowing differences amongst people.....

And then writing a exercise like self assessment report....maybe its our own perspectives that matter the most since we shall live with it forever....

However, I believe in the fact that there are different perspectives to anything ... so i guess even our lives come within that ambit and hence somewhere I feel we should somewhere factor in other's view points too or else we would be living in a make belief world... never knowing the reality and maybe just living in a dream land....

A world where some people choose to glorify themselves...
And some others choose to underestimate ...
Some choose to cry all the way
While the others just smile all the way...
Some people who choose to be irrational
Others who think they are rational
But still I believe there ought to be some people who choose to look at life objectively...
Sifting the wheat from the chaff and making intelligent choices .... Rationally....
I am still to meet one of those people...
And am looking forward to this rendezvous...
And when I meet that person I just want to ask 'How?...'

Happy Birthday Rahul ....

Well in a fit of rage ... or just because I was caught in my feelings...
I forgot to wish you when I had a chance...
But as they say better late than never...
Here is to you and to the friendship we share...
The friendship whose seeds were sown unknowingly...
The friendship that blossomed irrespective of the distances...

Here are a few words ...

The pride of being the first reader…

The reassurance of your presence…

The innate understanding…

The uninterrupted ramblings…

The same wavelength…

The telephonic contracts …

The transient anger…

The non judgmental confiding…

The feeling of acceptance…

The scolding on being grateful…

The unconditional sharing…

The feeling of finally being understood…

Without any gratefulness…

And with a hope for a optimistic tomorrow

I wish Happy Birthday dear…

Cheers to tomorrow…

And cheers to the feeling of 'hope' :)

Leaving my shoes behind...

We are always told self realization is a concept that make life easier and more understandable ...
But well I cant help it but I usually smelt a lot of gas in the way this concept was explained...

However, today I guess I have some understanding of what it might mean ... not because I got hold of an awesome book but a great teacher called life...

Today, I feel I know a bit more about myself.. There were things I believed I could run away from and things that I thought did not effect me beyond certain boundaries ... but today when I look back and somehow connect a lot of things in my life with strong interconnections between things I thought were compartmentalized ... I can see logic to my choices and even to my irrationalities...

I somehow can even take a bit of an objective viewpoint... obviously I cant be totally objective ... as I am the involved party ... still it sometimes is good to leave your shoes behind ... and try and fit into someone else's ...

Hats off!!!

'The carefully arranged random tresses caressing her cheeks ...the made up intensity in his eyes ... the fake twinkle of naughtiness ... the perfect settings... the great music... the questionable feeling of love in that moment.......'
Despite the apparent manipulations the film directors make us believe in the scene ..... Hats off to them and their art to make people believe in something they know to be fake...
Romance as an idea has always been a weakness of many people ... especially us ... the fairer sex ... and more often than not I have seen people stare wistfully at such masterpieces... imagining something beyond the realms of reason... hoping against hope ... escaping from reality to their own small fairy tales ... to the plane where they need not be rational...
I guess it does make sense to loose the sight of reason ... somewhere ... sometimes ... along the way...

I love rain :D

The musical pitter patter of rain drops...
The unexpected breeze that catches one unaware...
The challenge of walking through the puddles without splashing....
The urge to go for a walk at unearthly hours and just feel the droplets...
The pleasure of lazing around listening to songs...
The loss of sight at times...
The fights with the wind for the sake of umbrellas...
The complains of the people who hate rains...
The predictions of whether it will rain or not ....
The loss of the sense of time...
The happiness of the trees as they sway along...
The sight of the droplets clinging to the leaves before the breeze forces them apart...
In short, I love it .... and I am loving it :D

Lurking question marks....

For once in my life I thought I would just freak out... for myself not worrying about what anyone else thinks... I did a lot too...
Shouted my heart out.. jeered at the opposite team... had great cheer leading experience...
Let studies or even the thought of studies take a back seat and just enjoy myself...
Sleep though out the day....
and let my enthusiasm bubble through my action and deeds...
I felt free ... I felt myself .... I felt great!!!!

But I feel it strange when people look at me with strange expressions maybe not on their faces ... but with question marks lurking behind their eyelashes... wondering at what I am up to!

Trying to judge my feelings cautiously and yes restraining themselves ... being unsure of how to react... measuring my actions ... calculating my next move ... my next dialog...

I guess how-so-ever we may say that we believe in individuality and uniqueness of everyone after all we are all humans and despite all the intellectual gas ... we end up being looking for patterns in others and somewhere fail to hide our expectation of the usual.....

To the gift of 'Words'...

I always think I have enough material to write books about .... but once I have the keypad below my fingers .... things never seem to manifest themselves as words...
Words - the biggest weapon we have in our hands....
The power of words is phenomenal ..not in the revolutionary sense but in a day to day scheme of things words have the potentiality to make or break someones day .... A sweet word or a joke can do miracles on a hopelessly depressing day ... At the same time a whiff of sarcasm is all we need to break someones heart into pieces...
Personally, I believe its words that take us through the twists and turns of life... they are our true companions.... always there with us ...

In the lullaby of my mom...
In the expectations of my dad...
In the fights with my brother...
In the gossip of my friends...
In the endearments of my lover...

In the sigh of disappointment...
In the burst of anger ...
In the realization of love ...
In the expression of wonder...
In the meaning of life ...

Words support me ...
They cajole me...
The admonish me...
Through the thick and thin they accompany me...

To the gift of words... something that forms the basis of our 'intelligent' HUMAN life form.....

Culture ... us.......

Today with the e-culture and e-generation who believes in the power of e-mails, networking groups, chats and of course blogs; but I believe somewhere down the line we have lost the essence of communication ... the fun that was in the life of college... the sense of belonging the the 'gang'... the time-pass in taking people's cases on their faces...

In the instantaneousness of chats ... is lost the deliberation...
In the digitization of feelings ... is lost the intent ....
In the whiff of the e-mail... is lost the anticipation ...
In the invention of blogs ... is lost the openness...
In the cuteness of the smilies ... is lost the giggling sound
In the connectivity of internet ... is lost closeness of a friend...
In the clutter of the keyboard... are lost the strokes of the hand...
In our virtual identities ... is lost the uniqueness of our selves...

Sometime in the past I became a part and parcel of the e-culture...

A culture that believes in the display of sophistication and hiding errr... i mean.... channelizing the feelings ...
A culture that believes in burying our true selves in some server at an obscure location on the planet....
and
A culture that believes in showing our real mask-less face to people you have never met....

Is this the progress and culture we strive for????

Dream on.....

Our experiences teach us a lot... and more often than not make us apprehensive of what is to be and what could be...
We all dream of perfection in the aspect of life that matters the most for us... some achieve it by the virtue of make-belief and some by dreaming on for perfection...
The later at some point in their lives realize that perfection is a figment of imagination... but despite realizing this the fools amongst them choose to dream on... rather than come face to face with reality and grab the best opportunity in front of them... and make it paradise...
Many a times when they do try they believe the realities in their life will accept them as they are and they take the path of honesty compared to make-belief...believing that truth should be the basis of everything in life.... and that if they are accepted with their bads the goods shall be more than welcome...
And maybe this is the assumption that fails them as invariably somehow more often than not they end up cocooning themselves into the dream world all over again... its not that they are particularly happy in this world...yet they just choose to dream on......

Survival of the Fittest....

I used to believe there are two kind of people on the face of earth some who are born in privilege and the others who don't even know its definition. The later force themselves to be happy and content in what this world gives them... while the former are born with a platinum spoon in their mouth ... and all the forces of nature actually align to enable them achieve their dreams and aspirations... But then.... as unexpected I met a third kind..... the people who tweak the nature so that everything falls in place and they achieve their objectives. I wont call them dreams because so far the sample I have seen doesn't seem to have dreams for themselves just objectives and short term purposes....
These are the people who made me realize that... the people whom our parents warn against are not actually the poor people who thieve us because they lack means of sustenance but the people who thieve us of our dreams, wishes and hopes just for the kicks... They are genius and use diversify their portfolio by adding 'Intellectual slyness' to it and take pride in it... For them the purpose of life could be to live off their amazing ability... But what about people who make the grave mistake of trusting them and cannot see the wolf in the sheepskin....
With the exploding population , impending wars, environmental hazards and the love in the world I guess in their defense I would say they have evolved and probably would be the ones naturally selected to ensure that our species does not extinct.... after all they would not mind living off their fellow mates... who would be soon converted into fossils, scientific mysteries....