The art of fitting-in!

That Little baby bird was born with hues of the rainbow in her...

The colors were the seven but they had a shade never seen before...

Some loved her and many more hated her...

And then came the birdness-society which decided how much of a bird was she... Could she really be a bird?!

She said her parents are a bird but they said that's not enough... 

They struck the gavel and announced, "There will have to be changes!!!"

First, they came for her reds... They took away her trust and warmth and offered her suspicion...

Then they came for her indigo... The different types of friendships she had and offered her competition...

The next was the green of her extroverted personality and they offered her envy instead...

Then they came for the orange the anger with which she felt strongly for herself and other and offered her indifference...

Then was the turn of the yellow of her laughter they said it was too loud and offered her the proper polite smile instead...

She was left with the blues of her tears and then they said she cried too much and offered her numbness instead...

Finally they came for the violet the essence of her existence... Something that made her what she was despite everything else gone and offered her the fitted-in personality instead...

She accepted none of the muddy colors she was offered but gave away all that was her... 

All her colors dripped off her and all that was left was the grey... One drab shade of grey... 

And on that overcast day... A strong gust of wind blew away that grey bunch of feathers into oblivion...

Now no one knows what happened to her or is she still around... And they pat themselves on the back and say she must have fitted in really well...

(Image courtesy: https://in.pinterest.com/pin/481392647644782410/)

If all is quiet, All is good???!

In the interview of Mr. Sunil Khilnani in the Express this sunday he says "To me one of the great lost treasures in Indian history is the voice of the women"

It made me think can we say that the women today have a voice? Yeah sure there are the frontrunners who are leading the ground breaking changes like temple entry etc. But, what about the common woman... The woman who grows up with the "Sita Complex" (afterall she can never be Sita but she always has to strive for the impossible) juxtaposed with the man who has no such "Ram Complex" and consequently does not mind doing unRam like deeds.

Does the woman who deal with such unRams really have a voice... I know she is fighting for it... and she is fighting for it hard... But, I still doubt whether that 'voice' is forthcoming without the fight...

We as a society love to look at things as "right", "ideal" and the non-ideal is often brushed under the carpet hidden from the world and everyone seems to be in a "quest for seeming perfection". 

In this arguably great quest are silenced the voices of real issues, the real problems of human existence. So, while the society might be having problems like depression, sexual-offences, etc., we do not like to talk about the unIdeal and thus look at people who wish to talk about such things openly with a scorn.

The woman of today who is expected to behave like the demure Sita at home, many a times has an aggressive Kali inside of her who wants to fight for equal respect at work and at home; but that Kali is often silenced in the name of whats "correct".

In this silence we loose the voice of real women, in this silence we strengthen the unRamness around us and in this silence we happily assume that if all is quiet, all is good... We forget that silence can kill not only the Kali being forced to be a Sita but the very fiber of the society where we need to be able to discuss issues we face openly... But, till we have the guts to do that... If all is quiet, all is good!!!!

(http://indianexpress.com/article/india/india-news-india/whats-happening-now-is-troubling-investors-this-isnt-the-india-they-have-been-told-about-sunil-khilnani/) 

(Picture link: https://in.pinterest.com/pin/381891243372407430/)

मेरी खिड़की से...

मेरी खिड़की से दिखती हैं कई ऊँची ऊँची इमारतें...

दिखती हैं काँच के रंगीन टुकड़ों सी रंग-बिरंगी खिड़कियाँ... 

बड़े ही सलीक़े से एक के उपर एक रखी हुए...

कुछ से छन कर आती है मद्यम सी रोशनी... कोई ग़ज़ल रहती है शायद...

कुछ से छोटे मोटे पेड़ व बेलें लटकी नज़र आती हैं... रहता होगा बाग़ों को पंख देने की लालसा रखने वाला कोई... 

कुछ से दिखते हैं गाँव के नज़ारे... वही नौसिखिया रहता है शायद जो सीख नहीं सका अब तक शहर के तरीके...

कई प्रतिभाओं के धनी अनेकों लोग रहते होंगे शायद वहाँ... 

पर, अपनी खिड़की से मुझे तो दिखती हैं ये इमारतें दडबों सी... जिसमें कई आज़ाद क़ैदी रहते हैं...

उन सबको मेरी खिड़की भी तो दिखती होगी दडबे सी ही...

Note: Hope to paint the vision some day...

अन्त

आज अचानक से नज़र उस ओर सरक गयी...

उस कोने की तरफ जहाँ उसके जाने पर मनाही थी...

किसी ने कभी कहा नहीं था ऐसा.. 

पर अनकही बातों में यह बात नुमायां थी...

धूल की कई परतों हटाई...  मकड़ियों से लड़ाईयाँ भी लड़ीं...

बस एक फ़टी-पुरानी किताब ही दीमकों ने छोड़ी थी ... 

शायद उसका स्वाद उनकी टेस्ट-बड्स को भाया न हो ...

किताब पलटी तो याद आया की यह तो वही किताब है जो किसी कारणवश तब पढ़ नहीं पाया था मैं...

आज तक पता नहीं लगा मुझे की नायक-नायिका के जीवन को लेख़क ने आख़िरकार क्या रूप दिया ... 

पढ़ते समय अपने जहन में कई अंत सोचे थे मैंने इस कहानी के... यकायक सब वापिस आ गये... 

उत्साह में सोचा आज तो जान कर ही रहूँगा अंजाम क्या था उनका!

फ़टाफ़ट पन्ने पलटे और बड़ी मुश्किल से ढूँढा की कहाँ तक पढ़ा था दिन... 

और फिर से खो गया उस कहानी में... 

आख़िर तक पहुँचने ही वाला था तो देखा... 

वही पन्ने थे जिन्हें टेस्ट कर के शायद दीमकों ने रिजेक्ट कर दिया था...

कुछ कहानियों के अन्त जानना भाग्य में नहीं होता शायद ... 

या फ़िर कुछ कहानियों के अन्त यथार्थ से परे स्वप्नों में ही होते हैं... 

जहाँ ना कोई बन्दिश होती है... ना वास्तविकता... होती है तो निरंकुश कल्पना... 

Nirvana

And we talked on and on about...
The facts and imagination...
The hopes and reality...
The maybes and could-bes...
The said and the unsaid...
Anxiously aware and yet ignoring the sword of time hanging over each moment...
Knowing it would fall anytime... against all my wishes...
Hoping to magically let this moment go on for eternity...
But who am I to wish against the almighty ever so strong time...
It knows the best... knows the grand plan of all beings...
Knows the importance of one and all in the grand scheme...
Before it my wishes are all but important... truly negligible...

All I can do is adorn the mask of my role...
Act as per the institutionalised standards of performance...
Dance within my limited degrees of freedom...
And move on from one role to the other...
Roles of comedy... roles of tragedy...
Roles of this... roles of that...
Challenging me every now and then... to act...

All I do within my constraints is to collect colours...
Colours that different roles bring with them... time after time...
In a hope that when finally the sword befalls and it's my time...
In the flashes before my eyes in those moments are the flashes of unlimited colours...
And in those innumerable flashes are the flashes of the colour of satisfaction...
The colour of having found that one role which is perfect...
The role where limitations of the role match the limitations of my puppet-like existence...

The role where I am all I can be...
I can say all that I want...
I can be silently understood...
I am the best of all that's me...
Where judgement is suspended...
Where words are not weighed down by meaning...
Where thoughts simply fly all around...
Where there is all this and much more... even if for a transitory moment...

A moment that would give the collection of my flashes a hue unseen...
A hue unexplainable...
A hue that shines through...
The hue of satisfaction...
Sans the grey of regret...
Sans the green of guilt...
Sans the red of ambition...
Sans all the hues but simple glowing ivory streaking the flashes of my existence...

Maybe that is what Nirvana is to a simple, lowly, worldly soul like me...
Not the control of the worldly... persons or beings...
Not the renunciation of things... worldly or divine...
Not the meeting with all of creation...
Not the wish to be remembered after my time...
But just adding in the palette of my life the colour of satisfaction... of being all that I am...

Chick flicks...

An industry like many that tries to sell dreams and feeds on people's continued misery in many ways very much like the cosmetic or the diet food industries...

The fun of ripping one of these apart is phenomenal... But they are a solace sometimes even to the rippers!

I wonder if your favourite chick flick says something about you... and well should i be worried that mine changed from one in which two girls end up with a cute and nice guy respectively to the one in which the heroine dies in the end... huh! 

Given the huge reliance on signs in matters of the heart... it just might!

I just wanna fly...

I wanna just spread my wings and fly...
Break the shackles that wish to restrict my life...
Tear through the fences around my heart...
Just spread my wings and fly far and far...

I wanna just spread my wings and fly...
See the colors on the earth and in the sky...
I just wanna leave it all behind...
I just wanna fly around and around...

I just wanna spread my wings and fly...
Make my life all it can ever be...
Make my life all it has ever been...
I just wanna fly away and about...

I just wanna spread my wings and fly...
I just wanna feel the air in my lungs...
I just wanna live my life...
I just wanna keep flying all along...

Err on the right ;-)

Benz Ad... Truly 'The Best or Nothing'

The text for the left brain reads:

“I am the left brain. I am a scientist. A mathematician. I love the familiar. I categorize. I am accurate. Linear. Analytical. Strategic. I am practical. Always in control. A master of words and language. Realistic. I calculate equations and play with numbers. I am order. I am logic. I know exactly who I am.”

And for the right brain:

“I am the right brain. 

I am creativity. A free spirit. I am passion. 

Yearning. Sensuality. I am the sound of roaring laughter. 

I am taste. The feeling of sand beneath bare feet. 

I am movement. Vivid colors. 

I am the urge to paint on an empty canvas. 

I am boundless imagination. Art. Poetry. I sense. I feel. 

I am everything I wanted to be.”

Find it...

It is not something that can be controlled or mastered or shaken off...

If it is so... It was never born...

It was an illusion of being but never existed for real...

It was just a mirage in the journey through the desert of life...

If however, it is the true thing...It would grip you in its hold... 

Grow inside you and all around you...Emanate from you...

It would be you and you would be it...

Soon enough you both would be inseparable... 

It is in the eyes of the painter who sees colors all around spreading their wings making world splendid...

In the posture of the dancer who puts her life in making every movement dreamlike...

In the rain when it meets the earth and regenerates it with its every breath...

In the gestures of a mother who strives to always give her child the best...

In the efforts of the man to ensure his girl never sheds a tear...

In the friendships that need no words...

In all the impossibles made possible...

It is the essence of life itself...

It if the reason of existence which sees no reason...

It is the life without which life has no meaning...

It is the rule which adheres to no rules...

It is how the soul grows... 

It is a way of being...

It is being alive...

It is your 'passion'...
It is happiness...

Find it... Live your life...

Reinvention...

Today, looking at the splashing rain and the swaying trees... I could not help but wonder that after a dry spell as nature renews itself and is adorned in all possible shades of green... 
Should we, a part of nature also turn a new leaf and well rise from the ashes like the phoenix... like a new leaf that adorns the branch reinvent ourselves... 
Whatever we might reinvent ourself will be an upgraded version of us... The core shall remain no matter how many cosmetic changes we do... Just as a Mango tree remains a Mango tree despite centuries of rain and sun...
The sooner we realize this and embrace the person we are within the closer we would be to our being....
Because, howsoever we might wish to cosmetically change the soil, the roots and the essence that we come from remain the same...
And so must we...
If not for the love of oneself... Then for the respect of ones roots...

I am what I am because of the effort of so many people...
I endeavour to improve myself and inculcate in me all the goodness possible...
But, I refuse to change myself just because the situation around me is bad or evil...
If I do that, I let the effort and pride of all those behind me...

I know it sounds too idealistic, and as people around me have always said world is not as simple as you believe...
Maybe my DNA makes me a red leaf among all green ones...
But maybe just maybe the world around us is as complicated or simple as we make it...

For My Companions... :)

On the rooftop she went to feel the dew drops on her face...
A cold she felt inside felt tangibly...
A chill ran through her heart and soul...A shiver that shook her inside and out...
A fear that has always been inside her threatened to raise its face once again...
As she looked across the moon smiled at her in his partial form...
Winked at her and came to have a chat with her...

Promising her..
Come what may I am here...
Come what may if you see me or not I am there for you...
Come what may from the skies above... from behind clouds and rain...I shall always look after you...
Come what may I shall hear you... understand, read between the lines when needed and not search for intentions when not...
Come what may I shall be the hand you hold, be the shoulder you cry on...
Come what may I shall be me as long as you are you...

She smiled through her tears felt the warmth of his words radiate in her...
He made magic and a simpleton felt like princess...
His wand weaved dreams that made life adventurous...
In his placid eyes she saw the peace she had been running after...
In his hands she got comfort as never before...
And off went the need to measure words and weigh thoughts...
All the stars around kept looking at them still they felt like they were alone just with each other for each other...

Soon enough the sun of realism shone on the horizon and he bowed, reminded her of his promise and bid farewell...
She cried knowing that promises are meant to be broken... and in his eyes she saw that this one would be too...
She smiled and tried to put her fears to sleep... But, somewhere she knew that they parted and possibly despite all assurances might never meet again...
The dew started to seep in once again and the chills spread once again...

Shivers were returning and she cried out with all her might to call her true companions... her support... the one who held her hand the day she was born and never left it...
Soon the shiftiness, the pretentious winks and promises were hidden behind him, a curtain of clouds,
Along with him came the rain and washed off all the dirt of fiction and deceit...
Both, shielding her from all that is perishable and helping her reinvigorate to her usual happy, gregarious self...
It was then that she realised the difference between the ephemeral and immutable...
Between truth and fiction...
Between the ones who wish to steal and those who wish to increase the quota of smiles in your life...

She then thanked the universe for her friends of her companions through all ups and downs...
Those who would always remain with her as a perpetual hug that would keep the chills away...
As those who cherish her and whom she cherishes like no other...

A Thousand Words...

Click....

The sound that captures a moment over the time continuum... 

A moment we wish to re-live and re-visit again and again. What is it that gives a snappily snapped photograph the power the intimacy that it has? After all what is it but a piece of paper or a set of colourful pixels juxtaposed together... 

Click...

The sound that makes it possible for any and everyone... to travel across time to experience those emotions to feel connected to that day that time... and the rich, the genius, the beautiful and supposedly the not so fortunate lesser mortals all stand equalised at once...

Click...

The sound that acts as a tag into the infinite memory palace and makes us access the sights, sounds, smells and feelings... Our ever so alive memory access system at an arms length...

Click...

The sound that gives us an opportunity to project our feelings, live them and satisfy ourselves... 

Click...

The sound that derives its meaning from the most powerful being in the world... The ordinary human...

P.S. Probably a picture is worth a thousand words not because if the sheer details it can show us but because of the mixed bags of feelings, emotions, memories it brings to the surface...

The thousand words so same and yet so different for each and everyone of us...

What I see is most probably not what you see...

This is going to hurt just a little bit - Ogden Nash

One thing I like less than most things is sitting in a dentist chair with my mouth wide open.
And that I will never have to do it again is a hope that I am against hope hopen.

Because some tortures are physical and some are mental,
But the one that is both is dental.
It is hard to be self-possessed
With your jaw digging into your chest.

So hard to retain your calm
When your fingernails are making serious alterations in your life line or love line or some other important line in your palm;

So hard to give your usual effect of cheery benignity
When you know your position is one of the two or three in life most lacking in dignity.

And your mouth is like a section of road that is being worked on.
And it is all cluttered up with stone crushers and concrete mixers and drills and steam rollers and there isn’t a nerve in your head that you aren’t being irked on.

Oh, some people are unfortunate enough to be strung up by thumbs.

And others have things done to their gums,
And your teeth are supposed to be being polished,
But you have reason to believe they are being demolished.

And the circumstance that adds most to your terror
Is that it’s all done with a mirror,
Because the dentist may be a bear, or as the Romans used to say, only they were referring to a feminine bear when they said it, an ursa,

But all the same how can you be sure when he takes his crowbar in one hand and mirror in the other he won’t get mixed up, the way you do when you try to tie a bow tie with the aid of a mirror, and forget that left is right and vice versa?

And then at last he says That will be all; but it isn’t because he then coats your mouth from cellar to roof
With something that I suspect is generally used to put a shine on a horse’s hoof.

And you totter to your feet and think. Well it’s all over now and afterall it was only this once.
And he says come back in three monce.

And this, O Fate, is I think the most vicious circle that thou ever sentest,
That Man has to go continually to the dentist to keep his teeth in good condition
when the chief reason he wants his teeth in good condition
is so that he won’t have to go to the dentist.

P.S. One of the school-time poems I remember quite frequently

What will be...

As I talked to the skies that night...
Appeared an angel to talk and gave me a notebook as blank as it can be...
Looking at my confused face she smiled and told me pour in all my wishes and rewrite my life...


With all my stock of wishes dreams and hopes, I started to rewrite the story of my life...
Choosing every word with all the caution and placing with...oh! so much care...
With all possibilities, probabilities, scenarios twirling in my head...


When I finished it... It was perfecter than any fairy-tale... Lovelier than any dream...
Giving it back to her, with pride in my eyes, I asked if she had ever seen anything like that...
She with her serene smile just asked me to read it out...


As I flipped through the pages I realized it was just an airbrushed version of where I had been...
And where I had been could never tell me... where or how I will be...
With each flip of a page I saw the limitations of my imagination and greatness of the grand plan...


The plan no one knows, the plan that intrigues us all...The plan that changes as we change...
We might wish to change our pasts in a bid to bargain for a better future...
But, my past made me 'What I Am'... And for a better future, 'What I Am' has to ensure a better 'What Will Be'

Through the hole in the wall...

Through the hole in the wall of my world I saw...

I saw the colors galore...

I peeped and a wonderland stared back at me...

I peeped and I saw a beauty of seven rainbows all together...

I saw promises, I saw hope and I saw my life ahead...

I saw a way of being more than what I was being...

Much more like the stuff dreams are made of...

Much unlike the 'another brick' in the wall...

With a spring in my step, dreams in my eyes

oozing determination I proceed to move beyond the walls of my world...

Into the transition of a making dream into reality...

Into all I can do to be what I am meant to be...

(Picture: http://www.girlytwitter.com/install.asp?id=7159)

Maybe...Just...Maybe...

What is it but a togetherness... Oh! so transient...

Short lived... ephemeral...maybe just circumstantial....

Compared to the likes of the flower and the sun; the moon and the stars...

something clearly not meant to be...nothing substantial....

What is it but all air and all that would soon be water...

All that would remain more apart than together...

What kind of togetherness is this?

Not the one that the lovers gives similes of...

Nor the one friends look upto as an exemplar...

It just is something that keeps the sun and the flower in separation...

Just an unwanted complication... A necessary evil... Oh! what a relation!

Maybe they just bear each other because of their situation...

What a pity! To not have a fate which promised eternal togetherness and smiles...

What a shame! To always just be commonplace amongst duos on which are based so many promised and poems...

But...

Just for an instant... let us stand in their shoes...

Just for a while... let us think differently from the assembly line thought processes...

Just for a moment... let us see the banal and search for the beauty...

Just for a minute...

One realizes...

The charm of this togetherness defies all logics and realisms...

Somehow it seems that they really yearn for this 'togetherness'...

Just for this togetherness that the water rises up again and again into the arms of the air...

Just for this togetherness that the restless air waits patiently...

Maybe when they meet...

They talk about the places they have been...

The things they saw...

How they missed each other...

How they wish they could always be together...

Maybe the refreshing greenery... that taught us what peace is...

Maybe the color-abundant rainbows... that brightens our lives...

Maybe the smell of the wet earth... that enlivens us...

Maybe the happiness that the rains bring nothing but the reflection of the satisfaction of them being together

Maybe it is what bring all the eternities together... and maybe its the basis of all that is today....

Maybe... Just... Maybe....

Maybe the onslaught of floods taught us and them both that their togetherness is defined by not always being together...

Maybe this togetherness is something more than what our banal minds can think of or ever comprehend...

Maybe its something else in itself....

Maybe its how it is the best...

Maybe... Just... Maybe...

(Picture Courtsey: Madhukar Shukla sir)

Maybe...

A veil in front of my eyes...

I walk through life...

Imagining the life around me to be illuminated with wonders unimaginable...

Imagining it to be as promising as it could ever be...

Touching everything with the wonderment of beauty unimaginable... thinking of colors un-thought of...Dreaming about all that's possible...

Thoughts of making the veil translucent...come now and then...

Curiosity to see how things actually are overpowers me just then...

But,the fear of disappointment also lurks near...

Last time I peeped through the veil... it inspired both awe and fear...

Maybe, I don't have the courage to peep again, as yet...

But,

Maybe, I don't want to let go of my version of reality, as yet...

Maybe, the wonders of my world haven't fully unfolded, as yet...

Maybe, my quota of dreams is not over, as yet...

Maybe this world exists because I do... Maybe its not its time, as yet...

(Picture Courtesy: http://www.blogcatalog.com/blogs/reverie-sanctuary)

Attention All Would be Mothers!!!

Pay 5000 now!!!

Pay 5000 now and ensure that the lineage would go on... Although no one might remember you 2 generations down but still... Maybe... Remotely... Theres always hope...

Pay 5000 now and ensure that you won't feel guilty when you give her share of food to someone else in the family... After she is the 'weaker-sex' and you need to feed so many men to their symbol of prosperity (the proverbial 'tond')...

Pay 5000 now and be sure that there would be no fear of the 'honor' of your family being at stake... It would only get augmented by the actions of your honahaar sapoots...

Pay 5000 now and be relieved that you would never have to make compromises with her studies... God forbid, if she is ambitious... Just imagine, how difficult and expensive would be a well educated groom...

Pay 5000 now and be sure you will be relieved of any after-marriage tensions a daughters family faces... You shall have the privilege of being a cause of tension for others...

Pay 5000 now and be sure that there is never even a rare possibility that despite an autocratic, obedience-driven upbringing... she might wish to make her own decisions...

Pay 5000 now and ensure that you never have to worry about the fact that you did so... never have the guilt of this day... because its what 'people' approve...

Pay 5000 now and ensure you don't have to commit a murder of her wishes everyday... just one small insignificant flush out of a few life cells...

Pay 5000 now and ensure she doesn't blame you all her life for not standing up for her... with her... be sure to scuttle that voice even before it rises...

Pay 5000 now...
But just remember those times...
When you wished for something and when you found no one to stand by you...
When you compromised on your ambitions for the sake of others...
When you could not understand why your biggest of achievements were belittled...
When you were told having a career is not a dignified option...
When your independent thinking was frowned upon and squeezed out of you...

Isn't it a chance for you to revive those dreams... re-live them... cherish them once again and resolve to give her all that you did not...

But of course, you are wise and un-emotional would take a rational, fact based decision...

So, Pay 5000 now and get a hassle free life...!!!

___________________________________________________________________________________

NOTE: The United Nations says an estimated 2,000 unborn girls are illegally aborted every day in India.

In a patriarchal society where we do not appreciate individuality, appreciating it in girls is probably too much to ask for...

But, appreciating life is the minimum a civilized society needs to do... Probably we have decided to prove to our erstwhile colonizers that they were right when they talked about the white-man's burden... that we are hell bent to prove that we are naturally uncivilized and barbaric... that we derive pleasure in killing unborn and newly born girl child...

Yet, we shall continue to think we are a manifestation of traditional mindset... the mindset in which in the oldest of the scriptures we have hymns composed by likes of Vagambhrini... and the importance of knowledge for women, equality for women, grace of being a woman are emphasised (http://agniveer.com/1291/women-in-vedas/)...

Or maybe we are just fallible demons who have decided to grab very opportune moment and fall a notch lower time and again.

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A look through my eyes...

Standing before the mirror... looking at myself...
Feeling as if the movie of my life started playing before me to delve...
Think through things without meaning to...Seeing it all bit by bit and yet all at once...
Maybe it was a chance awarded by fate for... an objective perusal ... a chance to find the pattern in the madness... or maybe just a desperate search for balance...

It was all in my eye... all in the rainbow of shades i saw in them... all one by one but yet all at once...
Ebony of the murkiness and gloominess that engulfs me once in a while...
Red of the anger that grips me out of the blue...Anger at myself for the hopeless hopes..weak moments and teary eyes...
Amber of jealousy oh so ill-directed and without a source... But still a part of me who shines on despite locking it under layers of restrain...
Brown of the chocolate always dark and yet so comforting...
Grey like the clouds of rain that bring with them the breeze to dispel murkiness and the silver linings....
Purple of the trust so often misplaced but with a shine of the few irreplaceable jewels in my life...each as rare as a snowflake...
Green of the pastures and life around me... giving me the strength and the faith in the goodness despite the deceit...smiles despite the tears...
Blue of the raindrops letting the dirt be washed and replaced by a fresh hope reflecting the new morning sky...

As I blinked... I wrapped an eyelash around the different shades of myself... accepting them or maybe just accepting myself... As I am... How I am... How I look at things...
As I blinked... I wrapped an eyelash around the world as I see it...

La Pluie!

Restlessness... Lonliness... Guilt... Anger... All decided to visit me the same day...
One after the other they came my way.... all to stay...
Despite my desperate attempts my stuborn.. unwelcome guests... clung on...
Making their presence felt through the ignorance and coldness...
Oh! my desperate lonely attempts were all failing and somehow HE knew...
Like all other times he sensed it...
Through my attempts to hide it and mask it...
He understood it and waited...
Respecting my decision to tackle them on my own...
Showering all the patience in the world on this impatient being...
Smiling and encouraging...
Loving and respecting...
Caring and looking-on...
And just when I was being engulfed into tiredness...
About to let my unwelcome guests overstay...
Suddenly, those guests melted away into oblivion...
And he sent to me his love as he always does...
Through my companion since forever...
During the good times and the bad...
More often as a gift...
But today as the much needed cheerful friend :)

Why Do I Think!

A great thinker once said... I think therefore i am...
What am I because I feel...??? Is all that I am because I feel or that I think I feel???
Or do i just simply feel too much....and let rationality fly out of the window...
I make all those castles in the air and live in them with all my conviction...
Believe in things beyond my control and hope againt hope...
Dance in the rain and see my troubles wash off...
Love with all my might believing in the best that things can be...
But yet again the badger of rationality is back here...
Thriving sometimes on flashbacks and sometimes on phobias...
Threatening through the tears and the hurt that could be my companion...
Why can't I just forget things and let events unfold as and when they happen...Why do I think afterall???

Nostalgia...

Soulful strummings...mellow lights...brimming emotions and a wish to sway...
Surrounded by the moments...etched on the shining web of my life... engraved in my mind...
A walk down the memory lane hand-in-hand with reflections of the past smiling on the surface of the river of life...
I feel it all once again... an explosion of memories...

familiar touch...
treat to step over a failure...
fluttering of unexpressed attractions...
teary eyes and wet shoulders...
walk in the rain on the sea...
smiling eyes...
conversations on the bus ride...
intiation of an unending love with soft companions...
flowing rivers...
shared chairs and thoughts...
barefooted walks on the sandy beach...
pride of gaving a nickname...
being taught to cross a road...
rainful walk through the fields...
talks across seas...
feeble attempts at learning another language...
One jacket...
bonfires, birthdays and cribbs...
developing a unsatiable sweet tooth...
generalizing crushes and criticizing heart-breakers...
parapet wall talks...
expression of gratitude, failures and welcomes...
thinking by the river side...
dancing to loneliness...
story reading sessions interspersed with barter of randomness...
burning of hands in the snow...

Discovery of the perpetual child...

A merry go round in the colorful fair called 'life'...

I feel the sweetness, randomness, compassion, concern... the intimacy and a feeling of being looked after...All rolled in one... The great balance of life is tipped and even smiles at me... Between the everyday moments of nicknames, gossip, chocolates, treats, fights, misunderstandings... special moments like these found a place and to this day are making me smile...

Ganpati Bappa Morya...

P.S. Finally completed the Ganesh on the wall of my room.... and on the perfect day :)

Random thoughts of contentment...

I feel happy today... Not happy actually content and I donno why...

today it feels like nothing would make a difference...

and everythings happening and I am just an onlooker
Thats everything is meant to be good so I just need to flow with the river...
I feel that along with the sand in my bag... Probably a piece of that peaceful heaven made its place somewhere in my heart...
That smile that had hid itself somewhere... resurfaced on seeing the sea for hours under the spell of rain and clouds and just hearing the universal music of eternity...
Simple pleasures of an intelligent company wherein the words dont really matter...
Mutual lazyness... understanding... And a few guitar strings wanna make you dance to the tune of life...
And beautiful and simple dreams of living life surrounded by the wilderness we were born out of... the world of forests, mountains and rivers all around... Ah! the touch of nature... Oh! the possibilities reality holds for us...
Just thinking free and being a freebird... of just letting the blue nun help us discover the thoughts that were always there and formed some connect that is mysterious and somehow still there...

Where art thou?

Oh! the smell straight from heaven...
Attire of a princess riding on a chariot so elegant...
Sighs of the people who see her approach...
A relief to the strained eyes with her cool and relieving accomplices...
Greeted by the animal kingdom and the lesser mortals with smiles...

She comes with a sound that reverberates with the sound of my soul...
A sight full of colors of the world twisted in one thread... spun all over me...
and multiple colorful canopies suddenly cropping up over the others...
She comes with a promise of betterment and washes away all the tears...
And just fills the world with innumerable colors and me up with an urge to just smile...

I wonder where she is this year... why she hasn't yet come here...
My companion since my birth... I hope she is somewhere near... ...

P.S. I hope the rains come and grace us fast... really wanna see the glorious greens all around me...

The Eternal Affair

In those beautiful eyes, naughtiness was filled to the brim...
She wanted to have fun with her darling friend of a few months...
Just tickle him once more before bidding farewell...
To leave an indelible imprint on his heart of her memory...to have him waiting impatiently for her next year round...

She just smiled and had her partners of all crimes just spread their wings...
They conspired with the man in the night sky and spread the white awesomeness all around...
The trees embraced the white sheen and the mountains slept under the comforting white blanket...
It was just a scene out of dreams...

To this unreal dreamland he woke up in the morning...
With her impression on all beings alive and sleeping...
He searched for her all around just to see her for the last time... just to etch her face in his heart...
She kept playing hide and seek with the trees and bushes helping her highness in all the ways they could...
She knew once she met him she would cease to be... she would just turn into a formless shining crystal... And he knew this was the last time he would see for many months to come...

They frolicked and danced around till they were destined to meet and all that was heard was a splash...
The resounding splash that paused the affair of the snow queen with the majestic sun... leaving the two lovers waiting for their time... once again...

P.S. It snowed the night before, and the sight was just breathtaking with snow caught in every nook and corner of the world around us... (Date:21st March 2009)... Couldn't resist reacting on the chirstmassy march :)

Amplified Miniatures...

Under the magnifying glass I wonder... what does the insect feel...

Does it feel exposed or it fulfills the purpose of his existance?

Is it embarassed or it loves being the center of attention?

It thinks about the flaws or the greatness of his being?

It just lets himself be or fools us by putting up his best performance?

What ever it does, does it actually determine what we think of it...

Or we just feel happy and judge it based on our notions...

We just reinforce our beliefs and sacrifice the poor creature for our satisfaction...

So we ever think what goes through the mind of the poor creature under so many magnifying glasses.... Or do we just let it turn into ashes for our happiness...

A little droplet of water...

The feeling of being sucked into a black-hole...
The way nothing seems to matter anymore...
The work seems to be exciting but the excitement lives in me no more...
The people seem to be friendly but all I see in their eyes are empty cores...
The life seems to be different but a day is so like the other...
The tears want to surface but the eyes seem to be drier than yesterday...
The emotions wish to live but the professionalism takes their life away...
The pressure of apparent maturity has me wondering...what should I do and say...
The sudden grip of dark emotions has made the wonderment of small things in life go way...
The innocent smile somehow seems to have lost its way and gone far away...
All I feel today is an urge to cry and even my tears seem to be deserting me in a similar way...
Never did I think that I would crave these little droplets of water some day...

What was it?

They saw each other across the room and suddenly something hit them...
Deciding to take the bolt of something they had felt in their stride they ignored each other...
Trying had to control the surge of feelings they busied themselves with the people around...
They talked and laughed, played and ran... But it was never full-heartedly as a piece of it was lost... and was hanging loose somewhere around...
As the fate would have it they had to walk hand in hand ...
They walked and they played they made the moments of the play matter and somewhere somehow they ended up making the world feel jealous...
They then talked... and walked... walked and walked... laughed and smiled... frolicked and smiled...
They teased and shared and somehow felt closer to each other than no one ever before...
Deciding to live their life as they wished they did what they felt like...
But they were righteous and somewhere the thought of people around held them back...
They vowed to forget those moments and move on... they decided it was just an infatuation... they reasoned it out with themselves....
But still sometimes when the reasons fail and the memories flood they wonder... what was it? Was it just a emotional baggage or was it something divine...
Were those moments a dream or could I still call them mine...
Was it just a moments paradise or was it something beyond time...
What was it...What was it... Were they just two parallel lines never meant to meet...

The easiest things to do in the world would be

to be illusioned about your position...

to assume the world turns around because you inhabit it...

to think the things are right because of your presence...

to know that you are always right and listen to no other...

to pet your ego and bloat it further...

to treat the other person as a non-entity...

to shout and think you are right...

to takes someones respect for your age as his weekness..

to keep arguing because you have to...

But do you wonder about the day when you shall even loose the respect your age commands..when you become overpowered by the insecurity that drives you and the ego starts ruling you?