Friday, August 21, 2015

Nirvana


And we talked on and on about...
The facts and imagination...
The hopes and reality...
The maybes and could-bes...
The said and the unsaid...
Anxiously aware and yet ignoring the sword of time hanging over each moment...
Knowing it would fall anytime... against all my wishes...
Hoping to magically let this moment go on for eternity...
But who am I to wish against the almighty ever so strong time...
It knows the best... knows the grand plan of all beings...
Knows the importance of one and all in the grand scheme...
Before it my wishes are all but important... truly negligible...

All I can do is adorn the mask of my role...
Act as per the institutionalised standards of performance...
Dance within my limited degrees of freedom...
And move on from one role to the other...
Roles of comedy... roles of tragedy...
Roles of this... roles of that...
Challenging me every now and then... to act...

All I do within my constraints is to collect colours...
Colours that different roles bring with them... time after time...
In a hope that when finally the sword befalls and it's my time...
In the flashes before my eyes in those moments are the flashes of unlimited colours...
And in those innumerable flashes are the flashes of the colour of satisfaction...
The colour of having found that one role which is perfect...
The role where limitations of the role match the limitations of my puppet-like existence...

The role where I am all I can be...
I can say all that I want...
I can be silently understood...
I am the best of all that's me...
Where judgement is suspended...
Where words are not weighed down by meaning...
Where thoughts simply fly all around...
Where there is all this and much more... even if for a transitory moment...

A moment that would give the collection of my flashes a hue unseen...
A hue unexplainable...
A hue that shines through...
The hue of satisfaction...
Sans the grey of regret...
Sans the green of guilt...
Sans the red of ambition...
Sans all the hues but simple glowing ivory streaking the flashes of my existence...

Maybe that is what Nirvana is to a simple, lowly, worldly soul like me...
Not the control of the worldly... persons or beings...
Not the renunciation of things... worldly or divine...
Not the meeting with all of creation...
Not the wish to be remembered after my time...
But just adding in the palette of my life the colour of satisfaction... of being all that I am...